Thursday, 29 September 2011
Last month I posted a piece about the possibility of the Canary island, El Hierro splitting in half and sending a "Super Tsunami" across the Atlantic and hitting the east coast of the Americas.
This nightmare scenario has always been a possibility. It happened 50,000 years ago and will happen again, it's just a matter of when. I reported that the island had suffered 820 earthquakes in the last month alone.
I'm afraid I have to tell you that the situation is getting worse. On Sunday it was reported that the island was hit by 48 earthquakes in the previous two days.
The island police (?) issued a statement saying that the situation is being "monitored by the best experts".
The "experts" believe that because the tremors are so small there is no danger to life or property.
So that's all right then.
Wednesday, 28 September 2011
Monday, 26 September 2011
Sunday, 25 September 2011
Saturday, 24 September 2011
They show this commercial for KFC on TV over and over again and have been doing so for the last couple of years. It has driven me mad.
At first I thought it was just the kid's accent that annoyed me. What language is that?
"I wuz interested in eatin foood, very intrested inat"
He says some words correctly and others in Jafaken. Most confusing.
The more I looked at the ad the more confused I got. He appears to be a chef in whites, in a kitchen, you know, like Gordon Ramsay, with kitchen utensils behind him, preparing and cooking the fresh chicken.
Aren't chefs in whites skilled workers, have they really got them working for minimum wage in KFC?
If you listen to what he says: "...like this chicken, came in fresh this morning....that's what it's all about....preparing a fresh chicken by hand".
OK, here's the thing, we are talking about KFC here. Have you ever been in one?
The chicken might have been delivered to the to the store that day. Yes, it's a fresh delivery, but that's not fresh, as in....er....fresh.
I wouldn't have bothered mentioning it in the blog had I not got in conversation with a real chef. I happened to mention this ad to him and he blew a fuse. He hates the ad worse than I do!
He was upset that he had been through extensive training and he is proud of his whites. He got so upset that he went into a branch of KFC and demanded to see their chef. After the staff, who were all dressed in black, had finished laughing they explained that the advertisement was total nonsense and that he wasn't the first person to go in and ask the question.
So, if you want to believe black is white then go and buy a bucket from the Colonel.
Friday, 23 September 2011
Congratulations to Freehand Profit for selling this customized Addidas Storm Trooper's helmet which was sold as a work of art named: "All day long I dream of Stormtroopers" for 2,125USD on Ebay last week
Thursday, 22 September 2011
William Tell. Freedom fighter or terrorist? Well it depends on whether you’re buying or selling. The opera is the musical interpretation of suspected Illuminate Friedrich Schiller’s play.
The Lover’s Concerto. Taken from the film Electric Dreams, which was about a love triangle between a woman, a man and a sentient computer.
The “Maguffin” of the movie is to find the lost song of real life blues guitarist Robert Johnson, who supposedly sold his soul to the Devil at the crossroads, in order to play the guitar so brilliantly.
Not Brahms and Liszt, but Chopin and Liszt, with Liszt being seemingly played by Jerry Lee Lewis.
One in diversity, may it contribute to world peace.
and freedom of the people in a greater fatherland
Golden stars in the sky are the symbols that shall unite us.
Wednesday, 14 September 2011
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
Monday, 12 September 2011
FRANCE AND THE FRENCH #4. IF YOU HAVE THE FRENCH DISEASE, PRAY TO THE PATRON SAINT OF FRANCE AND YOU'LL CURE YOURSELF, UNLESS YOU COME FROM PORTUGAL.
Saint Gentian and...
Anyway, back to Saint Denis. He is particularly useful to Catholics with the clap. He's the patron saint of Syphilitics. Here is a useful little prayer you can use if you are having a few little problems downstairs, which was published in Nuremberg in 1497 and is now kept in the Munich library.
"O most holy father and mighty helper, Denis; Archbishop and praiseworthy martyr. 0 thou heavenly teacher, Apostle of France, and mighty ruler of the German lands. Protect me from the terrible disease called the French malady from which you freed a great many Christian people in France when they tasted the water from the living spring which welled up from beneath your sacred body. Protect me from the wretched illness, 0 most gracious father Denis, that I may make amends for my sin, by which I have offended my Lord, and that after this life I may come to the joy of eternal bliss. May Jesus Christ grant me this. He who made your most dark locked dungeon a consoling home and gave you to eat His most holy Body and Blood and said: Because of the love and goodness you have shown Me always, whatsoever you shall ask, it shall be given unto you. May He be blessed in eternity.
You'll notice that the prayer refers to syphilis as a French disease, which is what it was known as in England, Spain and Germany. However it was called the Dutch pox by the Portuguese, the Portuguese disease by the Japanese and Persians, The German disease by the Poles and the French pox by the Italians. Perhaps they should call it the xenophobe's disease.
Sunday, 11 September 2011
HOW ARSENAL FOOTBALL CLUB HAS RUINED PEOPLES LIVES #4: ARSENAL ARE SO DESPERATE FOR A WIN THEY ARE PICKING ON WOMEN.
Alicia named her shop after the Italian word "Arsenale", which was the name given to the shipbuilders' yards in medieval Pisa and Venice. Her premises are in Seville's [El] Arenal de Sevilla district, where Seville's ancient shipyards were located, hence her choice of the name.
Ever since she opened the store in 2007 she has been persecuted by Arsenal Football Club who have insisted that she change the name. Arsenal's reasoning is that even though the name of the shop is spelt differently, because she sells clothing it somehow constitutes copyright infringement, even though she sells lady's clothes, not bobble hats and football boots!
Following a poor start to the season Arsenal have become so desperate for a victory that they are suing poor Alicia, who has had to spend her hard earned takings on legal fees for nearly five years already. Plucky Alicia is quoted as saying that she will "fight to the end".
The Independent's Sam Wallace reached an Arsenal spokesman, via Twitter, who declared just how serious they are...
"We make every effort to ensure that, where possible, we do not unnecessarily impact on other businesses.
"However, it is important that #afc protects its global name when & where appropriate."
So instead of buying footballers the club will waste their money on legal fees. So the following institutions and individuals will be hearing from the club's lawyers:
Lonnie Donnigan and the US government for the Rock Island Arsenal.
Canaletto and the City of Venice for their Arsenal.
The London Borough of Greenwich for Woolwich Arsenal Pier.
How about the British Government for Woolwich Arsenal itself, where Arsenal Football Club was formed?
Either way, leave Alicia alone!
Saturday, 10 September 2011
All they have to do now is to work out how to mine it and bring it back across 4000 light years. When they do ladies, you can sling all your diamond jewellery in the bin because diamonds will be as common as corn plasters then.